"The way you treat yourself sets the standard for others." - Sonya Friedman

Treat yourself as you want to be treated by others.

Do you often think that people are treating you badly or unfair? Have you ever stopped to think why that is? Well, I can tell you why they do that and it's quite simple, at least in theory. People treat you badly because you treat yourself badly! It's as simple as that.

Take a long look at what you think about yourself. What do you say to yourself? Do you think "I'm so stupid for doing that", or "I am so fat"? Do you think that you're not smart enough to do what you want to do? Or maybe, you're thinking that you're not worthy of being loved by a really good man or woman? Well, how would you like it if somebody else, than yourself, told you all those things? Maybe, even likely, over and over again. You certainly wouldn't want to hang out with that person a lot, would you!?  This means that you don't really want to hang out with yourself!

Now, the question is; why would anybody else treat you any better than you treat yourself? Why would someone respect you when you don't respect yourself? Why would any man or woman love you when you don't love yourself? The answer is simply that nobody would, and nobody does! Hard to hear? I bet it is, but I also think that a part of you know it's true. As with everything else I write about I've been there, I know from personal experience, otherwise I wouldn't say it. I am still that girl sometimes, insecure, feeling fat and unworthy of my man's love. But when I fall into that kind of thinking now, I recognise it for what it is and I kick that person telling me all those things out of my head and out of my life. It's longer time between her visits now and she only comes when I'm really tired. I know that I'm smart enough, good looking enough and worthy enough for everything I want in life.

So what can you do about this problem? Start by acknowledging your thoughts about yourself. Get to know them on a conscious level. Once you know them you can start sorting them out. A lot of them you might need to turn around and start to consciously say the positive side of the same thing. “That was really clever of me to do it that way”, “I look really nice”, “I can do anything I really want to do” and most important of all; “I am worthy of loving myself!” Other ones are plain unnecessary and you need to learn how to ignore them and throw them out for good. Use affirmations, read books, blogs and websites to help you out with the right way to think.

Once you love yourself, and treat yourself with respect other people will love you and treat you with respect too. All it takes is awareness and to start taking action. Don’t wait. Just do it!

"To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you." - Lewis B. Smedes

Forgiving is healing for body and soul!

I don't want to be a prisoner so I decided a while ago to forgive those who have hurt me over the years. I've been hurt in so many different ways by a number of different people. People that I considered to be good friends, even best friends have hurt me real bad. For no apparent reason at all. Even someone in my closest family hurt me really bad, at a time when I needed more love and support than ever before. Most people have been hurt one way or another, by someone. I let the same people hurt me several times at one point in my life. That was the time when I didn't love myself and I didn't believe that I was worthy anything good in my life.

I had to go deep into myself to figure out my own part in the different matters and I had to forgive myself for them before I could forgive anybody else. I think you carry around a lot of guilt after you have been hurt, guilt that you should have known better, or left sooner or told them off, or you shouldn't have said this or that or done this or that. The blame you put on yourself, whatever it is about, is a very heavy bourdon. It weighs you down. After I started to explore myself and forgive myself I noticed that I felt lighter and happier. And after I forgave the people that had hurt me I felt a big relief and even happier.

When I happened to look back on those events and people, before the forgiveness, I usually got physical symptoms like stomach ache, or head ache. Now I can look back on the same events and the same people and see the good times and the good moments I've had with those people before things went wrong. That is quite a nice feeling. I'm not saying that I would want to go back to being friends with them again, they were a part of my life in the past. I brought them all with me to the future and suffered from them in the present that was, until I forgave me and them. Now I've left them where they belong, in the past. They can't get to me anymore, I've outgrown them and I've moved on. They had their chances.

I used to be a prisoner, but I forgave and now I'm free and that is a fantastic feeling. Forgiving is healing.

Did someone hurt you and you carry around anger, quilt, regret or even hate? If so, you need to understand that all the emotions and negative thoughts you put on them don't affect them the least. All those negative feelings and thoughts just bounce back to you and make you feel even worse. Find it in your heart to forgive yourself and the one that hurt you. You won't regret it!

"If you want to turn your life around, try thankfulness. It will change your life mightily." - Gerald Good

Make Gratitude your Attitude!

To be thankful for all that you've got and all that you are about to get, is not as easy as you might think. But it’s not as hard as you might think either. It's a matter of opening up your eyes and your heart to your life and focus on all the good things. Gratitude is a very important key if you want to be happy.

When I wake up in the morning I feel love and happiness for waking up next to the most wonderful man, and our cat. I feel grateful for it. As I look out the window and sea the Mediterranean Sea and the horizon above the roof tops, I feel thankful. I feel grateful for my diet that allows me to have cream in my coffee. Being thankful, feeling gratitude is falling in love. I fall in love with all the people, situations and things I feel grateful for. It's great to fall in love with my man over and over again, sometimes several times a day. It makes me happy that I am thankful for everything.

I know what I expect in the future, I know what I want for me in life and I am grateful for that. I know I will get it all, as long as I"m thankful for what is to come. If you think that I sound like a religious fanatic now, you are wrong. I am not religious, although I might be a bit of a fanatic. But here"s the thing. Since I started to be thankful for things in my life (big and small) my life has turned around. I used to be a lot more depressed; I used to think that life treated me bad and unfair. That everybody else was better off than I was. I used to think that I would never find what I wanted in life and that I would never be as happy as I wanted to be.

Do you think that your house is too small, or your clothes are too old? Or maybe your hair is too straight, or your teeth are too yellow? Be grateful that you have a house, and that you have clothes. Be thankful that you still have your own hair and your own teeth. There are possibilities to be grateful for everything, every little detail, in your life. All the things you feel bad about, there is something about them to feel thankful for.

I can't remember what put me on to try thankfulness, but whatever it was I am thankful for it. Today I am happier than I ever thought possible. My dream about living by the blue sea under the warm sun came true. My dream about writing has come true with this blog. My dream of being happy came true. My dream about finding the perfect man for me came true. I believe it all started with gratitude for what I already had, back then. I still have a lot of dreams to fulfill and a lot of dreams to expand. They will all come true too, I know that, and I am thankful for it. All my dreams will come true!! How cool is that?!

What are you thankful for in your life? List all the things in your life that you love, no matter how small and silly it seems. Those things are what you should be grateful for, that is what you should focus on. Be grateful, it will change your life around to the better!

"Those who bring sunshine into the lives of others, cannot keep it from themselves." - James M. Barrie

Bring sunshine into the lives of others by sharing your love.

One of the best ways to feel good about yourself and about your own life is to "bring sunshine into the lives of others". This blog is me sharing the knowledge I've gathered, my wisdom of life. I share it with you because it makes me feel good, but also because maybe what I know, what I've experienced and what I share might help one of you out there that is reading this. I'm hoping that I bring a little bit of sunshine into someone else's life. I love helping people find their way to what they want, what they love and dream of. It makes me happy when I can help someone else be happy.

I believe that what you give is what you get, but you get more than you give. I started this blog only a couple of weeks ago, and good things are starting to happen in my life. In the last three days, out of the blue, it's been decided that my son, who I haven't seen for 6 months will come for a 3 week visit and he's getting the flight here paid from someone who normally never pays for anything that can benefit me. What a miracle! That's not all though, it has also been decided that my sister will come for a visit in a few months time, I haven't seen her for a year and a half. The flights were booked and paid for within a few others from first thought. Another miracle! I get to see two of the most important people in my life, the two people that I want to see the most, that I haven't seen for a far too long time and I am so happy.

I am convinced that my attitude towards life and my wish, and my actions, to try to bring sunshine upon others is what make all these things happen, without there being any effort put into it. I also think that it helps a lot that I am genuinely happy for my friends that have a lot of nice things going on in their lives, even though it means that they are leaving me to move far away. I love it when good things happen to people around me, it gives me the chills. Good chills. "Those who bring sunshine into the lives of others, cannot keep it from themselves." (James m. Barrie) As long as I keep doing what I'm doing, the sun will keep shining on me.

Are you bringing sunshine into someone's life? Are you happy for other people? Do you have good things happening in your life? Are you sharing your love, without asking for anything in return? If not, try it, it's a great feeling. If you are already doing it, keep doing what you’re doing!

"Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate." - Carl Jung

Get aware and make your unconscious conscious.

Yesterday's post was about expectations and that you get what you expect, the problem with that is that most people don't know what they expect. Most people are led by their unconscious and not their conscious minds. And the unconscious mind is not a very obvious place, it isn't all  that easy to find it and to get to it. But it's not impossible! You can train yourself to be aware of the thoughts that go on in your unconscious mind. And to get what you want out of life it is a necessity to make the unconscious conscious. I think what Carl Jung ment was that there is no fate, there is only you. I agree! Do you?

Let's say you're carrying a tray of glasses, and somewhere in the back of your head you start to think that you will drop it. Sure thing you will! Or you overslept in the morning and the rest of the day you are trying to catch up and one after another things go wrong. You've been there, right?! This is not because you can't carry a tray and it is not because you are having a bad day. It is because in the back of your head, in your unconscious mind, you expect it to be that way. You can turn it around though, because you know that you are thinking something "bad", somewhere in your unconscious mind, by the way that you feel. If you're feeling stressed, insecure, angry, annoyed or any other negative feeling, you are thinking something negative. If that negative thought is not in your conscious mind it will be in your unconscious mind. Easy right? If you feel bad you're thinking something bad. And once you've established how you feel, you can start searching your unconscious for the bad thought. When you find it you're automatically making it a conscious thought and you can change it.

The first thing you need to do is to make a conscious decision to make your unconscious conscious . That is, if you want to be aware of where you're are leading yourself in life. After you've made that decision you need to start being aware of your feelings, at all times, small or big. If you wake up in the morning feeling grumpy, take a moment to figure out why, make the thought come up to the surface and turn it around. One thing you need be careful with, though, is that your brain can't understand negative words like no, never, not and so on. It will read your thought as an opposite one if it contains a negation. Think "This day will be a good day", rather than "This day will not be a bad day". If you take out  the word "not" in the latter it will read "This day will be a bad day" and that is the opposite of what you intended.

My day will be great! Will your day be great?