"Laugh at yourself first, before anyone else can." - Elsa Maxwell

If you laugh at yourself first, people will laugh with you instead of at you.

Sometimes in life you find yourself in a strange and weird situation, or you do something clumsy in a situation where clumsiness doesn't belong. How do you handle those situations? You laugh at it and you laugh at yourself.

I am going to tell you a true story out of my life as an example on how to handle a situation like that. A few years ago I was sitting in my favourite bar with a few people I knew vaguely, I was waiting for a friend of mine to come and pick up some money from me, and I was also waiting for another friend to come and join me for a drink. This was a Thursday night and I had been to visit my son's school earlier that evening. In Sweden we have a kind of tobacco that is called "snus" that you put under your lip. It comes in little round boxes that look a little bit like ice hockey pucks. The type I was using comes in small portion bags. Anyway, the three other people at the table also used "snus" and since I was the only one that had any, I shared mine. After a while my friend who was picking up the money called to tell me that she was outside, but she had her daughter with her so she didn't want to come inside. I went outside to give her the money and I came back in after about 10 minutes. A while later we saw a police car pull up outside, which wasn't that unusual since they dropped in from time to time to see that everything was alright. Except that this time they didn't come inside. There were maybe 10 other people sitting in the bar, of which I didn't know four. Two women sitting in the bar and a couple of men sitting at a table.

About ten minutes later the two cops came in, looked around and came straight up to our table. They asked me if they could talk to me and I said, in surprise and fear, that of course they could. Had something happened to my son? Was the thought that went through my head. They then asked if I would come outside with them, and I said yes. They asked me if it was my bag on the table and I said yes. They closed it and took it with us. They asked me to sit in the police car and one of them got in at the front and the other one next to me in the back and then they started to ask me all sorts of different questions. Name and address and such things, had I been at the bar long, how much I had to drink, what did I do earlier that evening, how well did I know the people I was sitting with and so on. By then I was sure it had nothing to do with my son, but probably with one of the other people at the table. My mobile kept ringing in my bag but they wouldn't let me answer it and after a while one of them got out and went into the bar and came out with the people at my table and talked to them. By this time I've given up trying to figure out what it was all about. The police woman in the car with me, asked me if I was nervous and I answered her that I wasn't because I didn't know what I was supposed to be nervous about. She asked me if I had done anything illegal and I said, not unless it's illegal to have a couple of beer on a Thursday night. She laughed and said that it wasn't. I asked what it was all about, and she said that she couldn't tell me until they spoken to "the woman". I had no idea who she was talking about. After about half an hour they let me out, and gave me my bag back and they told me that one of the women sitting in the bar had called in to say that I was dealing drugs in the bar and that she's seen me go outside to give someone money. I started to laugh when I realised that what she had seen was me sharing my "snus" with the others. I offered the cops to go through my coat and my bag, but they just laughed and said that it's ok; they didn't think I was a drug dealer.

Funniest thing is that I have never, ever tried a drug in my life, except for alcohol and tobacco and everybody who knows me knows that. When I came back in, everybody wanted to know what it was all about and when I told them they all had a good laugh. By then 10 more people was in the bar, all people I knew. The woman that called it in stayed and didn't even come up to me to apologize. Unfortunately I didn't have any "snus" left; otherwise I would have walked up to her and in a suspicious way asked her if she wanted to buy some.

Now, this is a small town where everybody gossips about everybody and I knew that this story would be out in a heart beat. To avoid the worst of it  I just laughed at it and I made it a point to tell everybody I met about it myself, I also made it into a joke and offered people to buy some “snus” off me, since apparently I was the big “snus” dealer in town. People still talked about it, but they did it in a humourus kind of way instead of a gossipy way. Why? Because I was the first one to laugh about it!!

As a waitress I have use of this method too, whenever I make a mistake with a guest I admit my mistake, apologize for it and then I laugh and joke about it. Who can be mad at someone that handles a mistake that way? Not a lot of people.

Laugh at yourself first; it makes life more fun and a lot easier. And it makes others think more highly of you. Don't take yourself too seriously, if you do, other people will find it hard to take you seriously.

If you want to learn more about Elsa Maxwell, follow this link.

Love
Carina

The Optimist Creed (part 10,11 and 12)

If you're true to who you are, the world is always on your side!

* Promise yourself to be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear, and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.
Do you spend a lot of time and energy worrying about things that might happen? Do you get angry a lot, or easily? Do you fear certain situations in life? Are you troubled about something? If you are worried, angry, fearful or troubled (one or all of them) you are not doing yourself a favour. The person that is most affected by any of those feelings or states of mind are you. And for what purpose, worry never leads anywhere, anger creates more anger, feeling fear holds you back and if you're troubled you spend your time thinking negative thoughts instead of focusing on the positive things in your life. Be too large for fear, too noble for anger, too strong for fear and too happy to permit the presence of trouble and I promise you, you will be a much happier person.

* Promise yourself to think well of yourself and to proclaim this fact to the world, not in loud word, but in great deeds.
I am my biggest fan! Not in a bragging kind of way, but the fact is that nobody can ever make a better job being me, than me, so why shouldn't I be proud and impressed and think that I am awesome. Now, I'm only proclaiming this here so you will get the point in this, I don't usually go around telling people that I'm the best. One reason is that, hopefully, to them it's not true. To them they themselves should be the best. I know I can do whatever I want to do, if I have my heart set on it. I know that I am fantastic in most ways, and I don't have to tell people that, because I act it so they already know it. If I act in the best way I possibly can, nobody will think badly of me, but most important of all. I won't think badly of myself. So I think well about myself and act accordingly. That is all that is to it. That is how I proclaim my greatness to the world.

* Promise yourself to live in the faith that the whole world is on your side, so long as you are true to the best that is in you.

Do you ever feel like the whole world is against you? I did, but I've come to realise that that is not the case. The only thing, or person, that can be against you is you. Or, nothing can be against you unless you are against you. Do you ever feel like something is unfair? Well, it's not. As long as you are true to the best that is in you, the whole world will be on your side. Sure, you will still experience loss and sorrow because that is a part of life, that is for us to learn and remind ourselves of the life we're in. I learned that when my dad died, because the one wish he had was that me and the rest of his loved ones would live the lives of our dreams, that we would be happy and love each other and ourselves. He didn't wish for himself to be well and stay alive. He wanted us to follow our dreams and be true to ourselves. The world is never against you, unless you allow it to be, it is your choice. If you can't change the situation, change how you think about it. Be true to yourself, and believe that the world is there for you, if you want it.

I try to read "the Optimist Creed" (here is the creed and everything I've written about it)  by Christian D. Larson more or less every day, to remind myself of who I am and who I want to be. I think that if you try to live your life following these "rules", you're life will be amazing. I want my life to be amazing. My life actually is amazing already, because I live it by these "rules". My doctor used to say; "You should be in the driver's seat of your life, nobody else can get you where you want to go". Take control, be in charge, love yourself and your world and the world and your life will love you back.

The Optimist Creed (part 7,8 and 9)

Smile to people you meet, and the world will be a nicer place.

Here are the next three parts of "the Optimist Creed" by Christian D. Larson. You can read all of it, and my first breakdowns of it here. I first came in contact with the Optimist Creed via "the Secret". A very powerful book and film, by Rhonda Byrne, that I recommend people interested in self growth to read.

* Promise yourself to forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future.

Are you living in the moment, or are you holding on to the past? I wrote about this in an earlier post (you can find it here), and I think it is a very important point. The past is something you can learn from, how to do and how to not do. Whatever mistakes you made before (or good things for that matter) is in the past, and you can never change it or go back to it, so you might as well forget them and let it go. Live today and move towards tomorrow. You got great things to achieve in the future, but to be able to see them when they show up you need to be in the present and not the past.

* Promise yourself to wear a cheerful expression at all times and give a smile to every living creature you meet.

Most people like kids and animals and they have no problem smiling at them, but do you smile at adults you meet? Smile at friends and family, but also, smile at strangers on the street. Who knows, you might cheer someone up that is having a terrible day otherwise? When I do that I can see people hesitate at first, but then they break out in a big smile. A smile is more than just an expression; it is energy, a vibration that brings out good feelings in you, and the one you smile at. Smile at the girl behind the till, even if you're stressed and annoyed (which you shouldn't be, but that's a different day's lesson). Smile at yourself in the mirror, everybody looks better when they smile and who doesn't want to look better when they look at themselves in the mirror. So bring out that big, nice smile of yours and put it to use.

* Promise yourself to give so much time to improving yourself that you have no time to criticize others.

Are you in a habit of criticizing other people? Do you laugh at peoples clothes, or think bad thoughts about fat people? Well, if you do, you need to stop doing it immediately! They are not your business, only YOU are your business. Whatever you say, or think about others you will bring upon yourself. And let's face it, who are you to judge other people? It's not like you're flawless, right?! Spend your time improving yourself and you will not have time to criticize others. Let people be who they are, and you will be allowed to be who you are. (So you better start finding out who that is)

The Optimist Creed (part 4,5 and 6)

Look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true. - Christian D. Larson

This is the next three parts of "the Optimist Creed" by Christian D. Larson. Here are the first three, and here is the whole creed.

*Promise yourself to look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true.

When something happens in my life, I always try to find something positive about it. I lost my job once, and I was sad and surprised at first, but I also saw that I wasn't happy there and I had already decided to try to find another job in a few months time. So I started to think that maybe this was what I needed to get to that point. Within a week or two I'd been asked to help out at another place, less hours more money. Even though it was only a temporary job I wouldn't have heard about it if I wasn't available. I think that whatever happens, it does so for a reason that you might not be able to see right there and then, but it will lead you closer to what you want in life. So look at the sunny side of life, it makes life easier and more fun.

*Promise yourself to think only of the best, to work only for the best and to expect only the best.

Do you expect the best or do you expect less than that? Most people expect less than the best because of the limiting beliefs they have. (I will get into the subject of limiting beliefs some other day) But if you think of the best, work for the best and expect the best, you will eventually get the best. The best for you, not the best for somebody else. You will get what you expect, as I've mentioned before. Do you think you are the best? I think I am the best, nobody can be me better than I can. And nobody can be you better than you can. So if I'm the best I deserve the best, so I expect the best (and I get the best)

*Promise yourself to be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own.
If your friend lands a job you'd like, or finds the perfect boyfriend/girlfriend, or have the most fantastic house, or body, how does it make you feel? Are you genuinely happy for your friend, are you jealous or do you hold a grudge? Holding a grudge is not the same thing as being jealous. Holding a grudge is being jealous AND wanting the job INSTEAD of your friend. It is to NOT want your friend to feel the joy and happiness of getting/having it. Being jealous simply means that you would like it TOO. See the difference? Well, the best thing is neither of them though; the best alternative is to just be happy for your friend. Honestly and lovingly happy! Because the truth is that there are enough good things out there to go around. So you didn’t get that job, you’ll get something else; at least your friend is happy. Be happy and enthusiastic about the success of others and you're more likely to be successful too.

The Optimist Creed by Christian D. Larson, 1912

Christian D. Larson

Promise Yourself ...

*To be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind.

*To talk health, happiness, and prosperity to every person you meet.

*To make all your friends feel that there is something worthwhile in them.

*To look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true.

*To think only of the best, to work only for the best and to expect only the best.

*To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own.

*To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future.

*To wear a cheerful expression at all times and give a smile to every living creature you meet.

*To give so much time to improving yourself that you have no time to criticize others.

*To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear, and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.

*To think well of yourself and to proclaim this fact to the world, not in loud word, but in great deeds.

*To live in the faith that the whole world is on your side, so long as you are true to the best that is in you.

 I will "discuss" the Optimist Creed in the the next few days, so I want you all to read it carefully and think long and hard about it. This is how I try to live my life! Have a great Friday everyone!

Love / Carina 

"I'm hungry for a juicy life. I lean out my window at night and I can taste it out there, just waiting for me." - Brigid Lowry

If you can taste your future life in the air, you need to go get it.

I have heard so many people say something like this. I used to say it. I used to feel that there was something more out there, something waiting for me, calling me. I never knew what it was though, but I could taste it in the air, especially if I was sitting on the balcony a nice spring night. I don't feel that anymore, because I know that whatever is out there I'm heading its way. And also, I did change my life; I followed my heart to find myself and my life.

But let's get one thing clear, your life will not find its way to you without you moving towards it. It may meet you on the way but it's not going to do all the travelling. You need to put your thought on to it, your focus; you need to find out what you want, which road you want to go. You might change your mind half way there and take the next exit off that road, but that exit will lead you on to another road and even closer to your goal. If you are somewhat clear that you want to find whatever it is that is out there. It took me years of wondering and thinking for me to find out what I really want out of life. I always knew I wanted to be happy and that I wanted a really nice guy in my life, but I never knew what it was that would make me happy and I never made it clear to myself what a nice guy is. I've got both happiness and the perfect guy now, because I made it clear in my head and my heart what it was I wanted.

Every time I've thought about what my passion is, what I want to do that makes me burn, the thought of writing has flashed by. Just a quick flash, because I've always pushed it back, telling myself that I wouldn't be any good at it and I would never be able to make any money doing it.. About 6 months ago I finally admitted to myself that writing is what makes heart bounce, that is what I want to do and as long as it makes me feel good I don't have to make money from it. Even though that is what I want in the end.. I am still trying to figure out what type of writing I want to do, I'm still trying to convince myself that I am good enough at it. In my heart I know that I am, I just have to convince head. And still, writing is what I do here, so I'm on my way. On my track of life. I am already doing it, right?!

The point I want to make is that if you have that feeling, that you want a juicy life, that you can taste it out there, you really need to go for it because it's not going to come to you on its own. Take the chance, the worst thing that can happen is that you want to go back to where you are now. Although I don't think you will, I think you will find something better.

"To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you." - Lewis B. Smedes

Forgiving is healing for body and soul!

I don't want to be a prisoner so I decided a while ago to forgive those who have hurt me over the years. I've been hurt in so many different ways by a number of different people. People that I considered to be good friends, even best friends have hurt me real bad. For no apparent reason at all. Even someone in my closest family hurt me really bad, at a time when I needed more love and support than ever before. Most people have been hurt one way or another, by someone. I let the same people hurt me several times at one point in my life. That was the time when I didn't love myself and I didn't believe that I was worthy anything good in my life.

I had to go deep into myself to figure out my own part in the different matters and I had to forgive myself for them before I could forgive anybody else. I think you carry around a lot of guilt after you have been hurt, guilt that you should have known better, or left sooner or told them off, or you shouldn't have said this or that or done this or that. The blame you put on yourself, whatever it is about, is a very heavy bourdon. It weighs you down. After I started to explore myself and forgive myself I noticed that I felt lighter and happier. And after I forgave the people that had hurt me I felt a big relief and even happier.

When I happened to look back on those events and people, before the forgiveness, I usually got physical symptoms like stomach ache, or head ache. Now I can look back on the same events and the same people and see the good times and the good moments I've had with those people before things went wrong. That is quite a nice feeling. I'm not saying that I would want to go back to being friends with them again, they were a part of my life in the past. I brought them all with me to the future and suffered from them in the present that was, until I forgave me and them. Now I've left them where they belong, in the past. They can't get to me anymore, I've outgrown them and I've moved on. They had their chances.

I used to be a prisoner, but I forgave and now I'm free and that is a fantastic feeling. Forgiving is healing.

Did someone hurt you and you carry around anger, quilt, regret or even hate? If so, you need to understand that all the emotions and negative thoughts you put on them don't affect them the least. All those negative feelings and thoughts just bounce back to you and make you feel even worse. Find it in your heart to forgive yourself and the one that hurt you. You won't regret it!

"Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate." - Carl Jung

Get aware and make your unconscious conscious.

Yesterday's post was about expectations and that you get what you expect, the problem with that is that most people don't know what they expect. Most people are led by their unconscious and not their conscious minds. And the unconscious mind is not a very obvious place, it isn't all  that easy to find it and to get to it. But it's not impossible! You can train yourself to be aware of the thoughts that go on in your unconscious mind. And to get what you want out of life it is a necessity to make the unconscious conscious. I think what Carl Jung ment was that there is no fate, there is only you. I agree! Do you?

Let's say you're carrying a tray of glasses, and somewhere in the back of your head you start to think that you will drop it. Sure thing you will! Or you overslept in the morning and the rest of the day you are trying to catch up and one after another things go wrong. You've been there, right?! This is not because you can't carry a tray and it is not because you are having a bad day. It is because in the back of your head, in your unconscious mind, you expect it to be that way. You can turn it around though, because you know that you are thinking something "bad", somewhere in your unconscious mind, by the way that you feel. If you're feeling stressed, insecure, angry, annoyed or any other negative feeling, you are thinking something negative. If that negative thought is not in your conscious mind it will be in your unconscious mind. Easy right? If you feel bad you're thinking something bad. And once you've established how you feel, you can start searching your unconscious for the bad thought. When you find it you're automatically making it a conscious thought and you can change it.

The first thing you need to do is to make a conscious decision to make your unconscious conscious . That is, if you want to be aware of where you're are leading yourself in life. After you've made that decision you need to start being aware of your feelings, at all times, small or big. If you wake up in the morning feeling grumpy, take a moment to figure out why, make the thought come up to the surface and turn it around. One thing you need be careful with, though, is that your brain can't understand negative words like no, never, not and so on. It will read your thought as an opposite one if it contains a negation. Think "This day will be a good day", rather than "This day will not be a bad day". If you take out  the word "not" in the latter it will read "This day will be a bad day" and that is the opposite of what you intended.

My day will be great! Will your day be great?