"Nothing is more despicable than respect based on fear." - Albert Camus

Respect is one of the keys to a fulfilling and happy life.

Respect. One of the most important words and meanings of life. Respect is of utter most importance if you want to have a good life. The big question is what respect is. I know a lot of people misplace respect with fear. In my own personal opinion fear and respect are two completely different things. I even believe that they have got nothing at all to do with one another.

After the riots happening in the UK last month I've had more than one discussion about the cause of them, more than one of my British friends have expressed the opinion that the problem is that people have no fear for the police. They also thought that the kids don't fear their parents these days. When they were kids they wouldn't dream about doing anything like that because they were too afraid of the cops but even more scared of their parents. To me that sounds just as crazy as the riots themselves. The riots happened because the rioters have no respect for themselves or anybody else. They have not been taught to respect other people and other people's properties. I didn't fear the police and I wasn't scared of my parents, but I was taught to respect my parents and the police, and everybody else for that matter. But most of all I was taught to respect myself, and I would never sink to disrespect myself that much. And I taught my son about respect too, he’s got no fear for me and never had. He never did anything bad to anybody else, or himself, because he’s got respect for himself and others. Also, my parents respected me for who I am, and was, and I have always had a great respect for my son for being exactly who he is. That is one of the keys, you can not be respected by someone you don't respect. It all starts with you!

I don’t think that respect can be based on fear, because fear is fear and respect is respect. There is a big difference. I respect myself, and I do it because I deserve it. I have fought hard and done my best most part of my life. I have not always done the best thing and I have made a lot of mistakes too, but at the end of the day I have come out with both feet on the ground always learning how to become a better person in all areas of life. I respect myself tremendously for that, and because I earned my own respect other people respect me too.

Because I can respect myself I also respect other people. I know how to differ between respect for a person or for a person's act. I can respect an act without respecting the person, and I can respect a person without automatically respecting every act of that same person.

I would never be able to respect someone that tries to demand respect by trying to make people scared of him/her. By making people fear you, in my opinion, you lose all rights to be respected. Respect yourself and respect others, for who you are and for who they are, and people will respect you. It is as simple as that.

To learn more about Albert Camus, read this, this or this.

Love
Carina

"Laugh at yourself first, before anyone else can." - Elsa Maxwell

If you laugh at yourself first, people will laugh with you instead of at you.

Sometimes in life you find yourself in a strange and weird situation, or you do something clumsy in a situation where clumsiness doesn't belong. How do you handle those situations? You laugh at it and you laugh at yourself.

I am going to tell you a true story out of my life as an example on how to handle a situation like that. A few years ago I was sitting in my favourite bar with a few people I knew vaguely, I was waiting for a friend of mine to come and pick up some money from me, and I was also waiting for another friend to come and join me for a drink. This was a Thursday night and I had been to visit my son's school earlier that evening. In Sweden we have a kind of tobacco that is called "snus" that you put under your lip. It comes in little round boxes that look a little bit like ice hockey pucks. The type I was using comes in small portion bags. Anyway, the three other people at the table also used "snus" and since I was the only one that had any, I shared mine. After a while my friend who was picking up the money called to tell me that she was outside, but she had her daughter with her so she didn't want to come inside. I went outside to give her the money and I came back in after about 10 minutes. A while later we saw a police car pull up outside, which wasn't that unusual since they dropped in from time to time to see that everything was alright. Except that this time they didn't come inside. There were maybe 10 other people sitting in the bar, of which I didn't know four. Two women sitting in the bar and a couple of men sitting at a table.

About ten minutes later the two cops came in, looked around and came straight up to our table. They asked me if they could talk to me and I said, in surprise and fear, that of course they could. Had something happened to my son? Was the thought that went through my head. They then asked if I would come outside with them, and I said yes. They asked me if it was my bag on the table and I said yes. They closed it and took it with us. They asked me to sit in the police car and one of them got in at the front and the other one next to me in the back and then they started to ask me all sorts of different questions. Name and address and such things, had I been at the bar long, how much I had to drink, what did I do earlier that evening, how well did I know the people I was sitting with and so on. By then I was sure it had nothing to do with my son, but probably with one of the other people at the table. My mobile kept ringing in my bag but they wouldn't let me answer it and after a while one of them got out and went into the bar and came out with the people at my table and talked to them. By this time I've given up trying to figure out what it was all about. The police woman in the car with me, asked me if I was nervous and I answered her that I wasn't because I didn't know what I was supposed to be nervous about. She asked me if I had done anything illegal and I said, not unless it's illegal to have a couple of beer on a Thursday night. She laughed and said that it wasn't. I asked what it was all about, and she said that she couldn't tell me until they spoken to "the woman". I had no idea who she was talking about. After about half an hour they let me out, and gave me my bag back and they told me that one of the women sitting in the bar had called in to say that I was dealing drugs in the bar and that she's seen me go outside to give someone money. I started to laugh when I realised that what she had seen was me sharing my "snus" with the others. I offered the cops to go through my coat and my bag, but they just laughed and said that it's ok; they didn't think I was a drug dealer.

Funniest thing is that I have never, ever tried a drug in my life, except for alcohol and tobacco and everybody who knows me knows that. When I came back in, everybody wanted to know what it was all about and when I told them they all had a good laugh. By then 10 more people was in the bar, all people I knew. The woman that called it in stayed and didn't even come up to me to apologize. Unfortunately I didn't have any "snus" left; otherwise I would have walked up to her and in a suspicious way asked her if she wanted to buy some.

Now, this is a small town where everybody gossips about everybody and I knew that this story would be out in a heart beat. To avoid the worst of it  I just laughed at it and I made it a point to tell everybody I met about it myself, I also made it into a joke and offered people to buy some “snus” off me, since apparently I was the big “snus” dealer in town. People still talked about it, but they did it in a humourus kind of way instead of a gossipy way. Why? Because I was the first one to laugh about it!!

As a waitress I have use of this method too, whenever I make a mistake with a guest I admit my mistake, apologize for it and then I laugh and joke about it. Who can be mad at someone that handles a mistake that way? Not a lot of people.

Laugh at yourself first; it makes life more fun and a lot easier. And it makes others think more highly of you. Don't take yourself too seriously, if you do, other people will find it hard to take you seriously.

If you want to learn more about Elsa Maxwell, follow this link.

Love
Carina

The Optimist Creed (part 10,11 and 12)

If you're true to who you are, the world is always on your side!

* Promise yourself to be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear, and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.
Do you spend a lot of time and energy worrying about things that might happen? Do you get angry a lot, or easily? Do you fear certain situations in life? Are you troubled about something? If you are worried, angry, fearful or troubled (one or all of them) you are not doing yourself a favour. The person that is most affected by any of those feelings or states of mind are you. And for what purpose, worry never leads anywhere, anger creates more anger, feeling fear holds you back and if you're troubled you spend your time thinking negative thoughts instead of focusing on the positive things in your life. Be too large for fear, too noble for anger, too strong for fear and too happy to permit the presence of trouble and I promise you, you will be a much happier person.

* Promise yourself to think well of yourself and to proclaim this fact to the world, not in loud word, but in great deeds.
I am my biggest fan! Not in a bragging kind of way, but the fact is that nobody can ever make a better job being me, than me, so why shouldn't I be proud and impressed and think that I am awesome. Now, I'm only proclaiming this here so you will get the point in this, I don't usually go around telling people that I'm the best. One reason is that, hopefully, to them it's not true. To them they themselves should be the best. I know I can do whatever I want to do, if I have my heart set on it. I know that I am fantastic in most ways, and I don't have to tell people that, because I act it so they already know it. If I act in the best way I possibly can, nobody will think badly of me, but most important of all. I won't think badly of myself. So I think well about myself and act accordingly. That is all that is to it. That is how I proclaim my greatness to the world.

* Promise yourself to live in the faith that the whole world is on your side, so long as you are true to the best that is in you.

Do you ever feel like the whole world is against you? I did, but I've come to realise that that is not the case. The only thing, or person, that can be against you is you. Or, nothing can be against you unless you are against you. Do you ever feel like something is unfair? Well, it's not. As long as you are true to the best that is in you, the whole world will be on your side. Sure, you will still experience loss and sorrow because that is a part of life, that is for us to learn and remind ourselves of the life we're in. I learned that when my dad died, because the one wish he had was that me and the rest of his loved ones would live the lives of our dreams, that we would be happy and love each other and ourselves. He didn't wish for himself to be well and stay alive. He wanted us to follow our dreams and be true to ourselves. The world is never against you, unless you allow it to be, it is your choice. If you can't change the situation, change how you think about it. Be true to yourself, and believe that the world is there for you, if you want it.

I try to read "the Optimist Creed" (here is the creed and everything I've written about it)  by Christian D. Larson more or less every day, to remind myself of who I am and who I want to be. I think that if you try to live your life following these "rules", you're life will be amazing. I want my life to be amazing. My life actually is amazing already, because I live it by these "rules". My doctor used to say; "You should be in the driver's seat of your life, nobody else can get you where you want to go". Take control, be in charge, love yourself and your world and the world and your life will love you back.

The Optimist Creed (part 7,8 and 9)

Smile to people you meet, and the world will be a nicer place.

Here are the next three parts of "the Optimist Creed" by Christian D. Larson. You can read all of it, and my first breakdowns of it here. I first came in contact with the Optimist Creed via "the Secret". A very powerful book and film, by Rhonda Byrne, that I recommend people interested in self growth to read.

* Promise yourself to forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future.

Are you living in the moment, or are you holding on to the past? I wrote about this in an earlier post (you can find it here), and I think it is a very important point. The past is something you can learn from, how to do and how to not do. Whatever mistakes you made before (or good things for that matter) is in the past, and you can never change it or go back to it, so you might as well forget them and let it go. Live today and move towards tomorrow. You got great things to achieve in the future, but to be able to see them when they show up you need to be in the present and not the past.

* Promise yourself to wear a cheerful expression at all times and give a smile to every living creature you meet.

Most people like kids and animals and they have no problem smiling at them, but do you smile at adults you meet? Smile at friends and family, but also, smile at strangers on the street. Who knows, you might cheer someone up that is having a terrible day otherwise? When I do that I can see people hesitate at first, but then they break out in a big smile. A smile is more than just an expression; it is energy, a vibration that brings out good feelings in you, and the one you smile at. Smile at the girl behind the till, even if you're stressed and annoyed (which you shouldn't be, but that's a different day's lesson). Smile at yourself in the mirror, everybody looks better when they smile and who doesn't want to look better when they look at themselves in the mirror. So bring out that big, nice smile of yours and put it to use.

* Promise yourself to give so much time to improving yourself that you have no time to criticize others.

Are you in a habit of criticizing other people? Do you laugh at peoples clothes, or think bad thoughts about fat people? Well, if you do, you need to stop doing it immediately! They are not your business, only YOU are your business. Whatever you say, or think about others you will bring upon yourself. And let's face it, who are you to judge other people? It's not like you're flawless, right?! Spend your time improving yourself and you will not have time to criticize others. Let people be who they are, and you will be allowed to be who you are. (So you better start finding out who that is)

The Optimist Creed (part 4,5 and 6)

Look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true. - Christian D. Larson

This is the next three parts of "the Optimist Creed" by Christian D. Larson. Here are the first three, and here is the whole creed.

*Promise yourself to look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true.

When something happens in my life, I always try to find something positive about it. I lost my job once, and I was sad and surprised at first, but I also saw that I wasn't happy there and I had already decided to try to find another job in a few months time. So I started to think that maybe this was what I needed to get to that point. Within a week or two I'd been asked to help out at another place, less hours more money. Even though it was only a temporary job I wouldn't have heard about it if I wasn't available. I think that whatever happens, it does so for a reason that you might not be able to see right there and then, but it will lead you closer to what you want in life. So look at the sunny side of life, it makes life easier and more fun.

*Promise yourself to think only of the best, to work only for the best and to expect only the best.

Do you expect the best or do you expect less than that? Most people expect less than the best because of the limiting beliefs they have. (I will get into the subject of limiting beliefs some other day) But if you think of the best, work for the best and expect the best, you will eventually get the best. The best for you, not the best for somebody else. You will get what you expect, as I've mentioned before. Do you think you are the best? I think I am the best, nobody can be me better than I can. And nobody can be you better than you can. So if I'm the best I deserve the best, so I expect the best (and I get the best)

*Promise yourself to be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own.
If your friend lands a job you'd like, or finds the perfect boyfriend/girlfriend, or have the most fantastic house, or body, how does it make you feel? Are you genuinely happy for your friend, are you jealous or do you hold a grudge? Holding a grudge is not the same thing as being jealous. Holding a grudge is being jealous AND wanting the job INSTEAD of your friend. It is to NOT want your friend to feel the joy and happiness of getting/having it. Being jealous simply means that you would like it TOO. See the difference? Well, the best thing is neither of them though; the best alternative is to just be happy for your friend. Honestly and lovingly happy! Because the truth is that there are enough good things out there to go around. So you didn’t get that job, you’ll get something else; at least your friend is happy. Be happy and enthusiastic about the success of others and you're more likely to be successful too.

The Optimist Creed (part 1,2 and 3)

Make your life better with "the Optimist Creed" by Christian D. Larson.

The other day I posted Christian D. Larson's "the Optimist Creed" (follow the link to read all of it). Today (and a few more days) I would like to discuss the different promises a bit further.

*Promise yourself to be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind.

This is one of my main goals in life! To be so strong in myself, so strong in my peace of mind that nothing can disturb it. This is something very important. I should know myself, what I want, what I feel, what I do and so on, that no matter what happens or what anybody thinks or says I'm not disturbed. Are you that strong? I'm not that strong yet, but I am definitely moving closer to it all the time. The better I know myself, the more control I have of who I am and the more secure I am about what I do, the closer I get to it.

*Promise yourself to talk health, happiness, and prosperity to every person you meet.

What do you talk about when you meet people? When somebody asks you how you are, out of courtesy, what do you answer? A lot of people I know and met over the years started going on about the misery in their lives, how bad their stomach is, or that they got a head ache, their bad economy, the hassel they're having with their kids or how tired they are. I used to be like that too, but eventually I started to realise that people started to avoid asking me questions that would bring any of those subjects up. Now, when people ask I only talk about the good stuff in life, and actually I can't even think of any bad stuff in my life anymore. Why should I? Thinking and talking about bad stuff only makes you and the one you're talking to feel bad. Where's the fun in that? Tell people about your good life, lie or don't say anything at all. Everybody will gain from that, most of all you!

*Promise yourself to make all your friends feel that there is something worthwhile in them

Your friends are valuable, I've said it before, and you need to make sure that they know that. If you make a friend (or anybody else for that matter) feel that there is something worthwhile in them, they will treasure your friendship and they will make you feel the same way. And I sure like feeling that there is something other people find worthwhile in me. And I sure like making other people feel happy and important, it's one of the most amazing feelings you can ever feel. Call a friend today and tell her/him what she/he means to you. Let them know.

That's it for now, I will, of course, continue with the next few within the next few days. Until then, read and think about it. Use the Creed in your daily life. I read it almost every morning to get myself on the right track, even though I already am most days.

Stay well and grow well! Xx
Carina

The Optimist Creed by Christian D. Larson, 1912

Christian D. Larson

Promise Yourself ...

*To be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind.

*To talk health, happiness, and prosperity to every person you meet.

*To make all your friends feel that there is something worthwhile in them.

*To look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true.

*To think only of the best, to work only for the best and to expect only the best.

*To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own.

*To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future.

*To wear a cheerful expression at all times and give a smile to every living creature you meet.

*To give so much time to improving yourself that you have no time to criticize others.

*To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear, and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.

*To think well of yourself and to proclaim this fact to the world, not in loud word, but in great deeds.

*To live in the faith that the whole world is on your side, so long as you are true to the best that is in you.

 I will "discuss" the Optimist Creed in the the next few days, so I want you all to read it carefully and think long and hard about it. This is how I try to live my life! Have a great Friday everyone!

Love / Carina